There is a stereotype that grooms don’t want to have much to do with the wedding planning process. Perhaps it has some truth in it. My experience is that grooms really want to be involved.
In fact, my grooms love the reflective process of creating and designing their Wedding Ceremony. Maybe it’s because they don’t get as involved with the planning and are able to keep their focus on why they are getting married. They “get” that the heart of the wedding is the Ceremony.
Appreciation is the word that comes to mind – they adore their partners and they want a way to express their love. They want to contribute to their marriage and their wedding. My questions and conversations allow them to do so.
While it may seem daunting, one groom shared this with me. “After meeting you and getting a better understanding as to what this celebration could become, I felt better and knew it would be in capable and caring hands.“
This past wedding season, almost every couple I married wrote their own marriage vows, and it was often the husband-to-be who typically took the lead. One dear groom wrote vows that had him promising to take his partner out to their favorite restaurant every month. I suggested that wasn’t practical in the long term- yet he refused to change his promise. He knew what would make his beloved happy, and that is what he planned to do.
Another groom sent his vows to me in an email from his phone. He’d dictated his vows into his cell phone while sitting in his truck at work. They were simple, personal and beautiful.
Another wrote a stunning poem that reflected how he saw their relationship. Somehow, this tenderhearted groom (he was also a construction worker) had the courage to put his words to paper (on a lined piece of paper folded many, many times and pulled from his pocket). He perfectly captured in words what was meaningful in their relationship and we wove that into the custom wedding ceremony.
It’s not smoopy, nor cheesy. The reflective process that modern celebrant is so skilled at is a deep unfolding of the love story that began when you met, and will continue for the rest of your lives together.
As your marriage officiant, I always offer to edit the vows, and I do. Yet, it is surprising how little editing is needed.
With my experienced guidance as, the grooms have the time to think about their love and the words flow easily.
It makes me cry every time.